Pirates of the Caribbean

There are two options to get into Tayrona National Park from Taganga. You can take a $7 bus from Taganga to the other side of the park (hour trip) and then pay about $16 for entrance….OR you can take a speed boat directly to the closest and best beach which is on Taganga’s side for $20 and avoid the entrance fee by being dropped off directly at the beach. We opted for the speed boat…because we’re cheap and lazy. Being dropped off on the Cabo San Juan beach is like something from a novel. Tayrona contains breathtaking jungle but also some of the best beaches I’ve ever seen. Completely unspoiled and devoid of any commercial development since it’s a protected area. It was kind of like being on the set of Lost….minus Hurley eating everything in sight.

Seconds after being dropped off we were hit with our first dash of reality. In the middle of the beach stand two Colombian police officers checking peoples’ bags. They immediately found the two bottles of Rum that we had brought to the island since we heard there was nowhere to buy alcohol. This was not true since there is a small kiosk that sells beer and wine in the park. Regardless, the officer told us that he was going to take us to Santa Marta to jail and that we were kicked out of the park for bringing prohibited items in. Eventually it came out that we could escape this fate if we paid the “fee” in cash with him. I’ve never really bribed anybody before but for the hell of it I asked him how much the “fee” was and he whispered to me $200,000 COP ($120). Fiona didn’t really have a choice since he saw her purse and knew she had the cash. We agreed and Fiona starting dumping money into her hat until he was satisfied. He smiled, let us keep one of the bottles of Rum and sternly told us that if we told anyone what he had just done that he’d take us to jail. I’m not angry at the fact that we had to bribe somebody, it’s how a lot of things operate out here. I’m angry that the people who are supposed to be protecting everybody are actually more dangerous than the people they're protecting us from.  The only times I've felt nervous in Colombia are when there are cops around.

As it turns out, this wouldn’t be the first time that I’d be asked to bribe somebody. I went back to Tayrona with Anahita later a second time and we started an amazing fire on the beach. 5 minutes later two cops came, kicked it out and told us to come with them. Once at their police beach lodge, they told us that fires were illegal because they distract the sea turtles from nesting. I now personally believe that no sea turtles would ever come to the Colombia Coast for fear of being charged an entrance fee and tourist charge for every egg they laid on the beach but apparently that’s not true. Anyway, the guy told us that we could never come back to the park again or any park in all of Colombia and that we were kicked out of the park and being taken to jail, blah blah blah. He finally got to the bribing part and amazingly he asked for the same amount that the other dudes did. It’s like they have some kind of weekly extortion and graft meeting
, drink beers and sit around talking about how much the going bribery charge should be for tourists. However, when they asked for the money this time we literally had nothing to give since we were leaving the next day and had just enough to get back. He then frantically searched everything in my bag looking for something of value in disbelief. He found Paraguyan pesos, Peruvian Soles and once finding out they were more worthless than Chucky Cheese money settled on the $10 he found in my other wallet. Disappointed, he told us that we could go, that we should enjoy the park and to not make fires. Anahita gave him and his silent companion a cigarette and we were gone. It was unbelievable.

Regardless, Tayrona was still amazing. We were with some friends that we met before and we hung out with them for the night. We slept in hammocks with mosquito nets under a giant shelter on the beach. Between my two trips there, I probably spent about 4 nights. We walked back along the different beaches to the other end to take the bus back. Again, just amazing. The photos can’t do it full justice but it’s the most perfect place I’ve been to yet. The coast of Colombia has changed my mind about the country in general. Medellin was a pretty place but I’ve already grown bored of big cities and am going to try to avoid them as much as possible from here on out. I'm still pretty livid about the bribing thing but I guess I have to live with the fact that most humans are idiots. Anyway, check out the pictures….