Buenos Aires....or how I lost 3 years of my life in two weeks

After a week on the farm, I jumped on a bus to Buenos Aires because word got out that a bunch of people were going to be there that I knew and I figured I'd take a mini holiday and then get back to the farm. Pat, Zach, his friend Sara and Pat's friend Stephanie (who lives in B.A) were my company for Christmas dinner. We had some pretty amazubg Puerto Rican empanadas made by Stephanie and watched a bunch of shirtless dudes blow off firecrackers in the streets. They don't really do christmas trees and carols here, just explosives....as expected. Buenos Aires is enormous, busy and dirty. Pretty much what I've been told. The public transportation (Subte) is fantastic and totally reminds me of the Chicago El because of people selling things, the rickity pre world war II construction of the rail cars and the overwhelming stench of urine. One whiff and I knew that I felt right at home in this city.

There is alot to see in Buenos Aires. We went to the Museo de Bellas Artes and its just awesome. It's got an amazing collection of really great contemporary painters. Actually, I pretty much think that they had every base covered. Picasso, Manet, Monet, Pollock, Van Gogh, Okeefe, Diego Rivera, a Kahlo. If you're an art fag like me than you'll totally dig it. The strictly Argentinian art was pretty cool too. I saw some pretty disturbing images there.

Check out the pictures and you'll see the Cemetario Recoleta which is an amazing place. It's essentially just a Necropolis spanning almost 10 city blocks that houses the dead of the city's elite. Sounds creepy and I suppose it is but I could spend alot of time there, it was peaceful. It's filled with stray cats and it's hard not to think about that story about the ancient Egyptians thinking of cats as vessels for their dead ancestors. It makes sense. Anyway, I'm a pretty deep guy.

We went to a jazz show with a friend Alex who happened to be in town from Chicago, (this was like the vacation of coincidence, everyone in my group seemed to know someone from somewhere who happened to be in Buenos Aires at the exact same time.) Bomba del Tiempo which is this awesome drum circle thing and so many other things its hard to recount it all. New Years was actually....not very crazy as everyone led us to believe. We went to some club with overpriced drinks and just danced the entire night. Fun but nothing like the orgy and drug filled madness that I was promised. Oh well, there's always Colombia. Essentially, Buenos Aires IS the most happening city in South America and a place I'd seriously consider living in...if it wasn't so bad for my health. Staying up until 9 in the morning every day has its costs though and eventually I had to get the hell out of dodge to return to JuJuy for fear of my liver and brain's safety. Two weeks left on the farm....is it possible?

I also have a confession, I ate at Burger King at least 3-5 times while in Buenos Aires. I completely blame Zach Sturley for this.

WWOOFing...the true story

Got into JuJuy on the 16th and stayed for a night. Was picked up the next day I arrived to the farm to be greeted by Martin, his wife Elizabeth and their son Matias. Very nice people. However, the mood here is sober to say the least. This is due mainly to the fact that there's been a drought which is severely affecting life. Northwestern Argentina usually gets tons of rain this time of year but this has not been the case as of late. I guess there used to be running water. Now there isn't and you have no idea what a difference running water makes in your life until you don't have it. No showers, no hand washing, no washing your clothes and no going to the bathroom unless you use a bucket. This means the following things have happened as a consequence:

1) I tried to bathe once in the river. Keep in mind that Aldea Luna is on the side of a mountain. The river is on the bottom. To bathe you have to hike down an almost 50 degree angle for ten minutes with a bucket, soap and a sponge. Once you get to the river, you need to try and find a spot that isn't less than 5 inches of water. The problem is, because of the drought, this doesn't exist. I tried wading in 4 inches of silty river splashing water on myself for ten minutes until I gave up and came back up. By the time I made it back up the slope, I was sweating. Conclusions: Showers will be once a week

2) You get water by going to a giant red barrel, putting a tube into it, sucking on the other end and siphoning water out of it (very much like how one might steal gasoline out of someone's car...from what I've....read) and filling another bucket. This is your water for the toilet and washing your hands. Flushing down more, er, fibrous waste means that you have to pour about 2 buckets of water into the toilet. Since this is almost half of your water bucket that you just lugged from the red water barrel, it means that it's much more efficient to just go outside instead of wasting water. However, going number 2 on an angle covered with mud is not as easy as it sounds. Twice I've slipped down the hill, and twice I've cursed the day I was born. Lesson: Find a flat spot to crap in so that you don't slip into your own excrement after it. Also, bring a shovel and remember to bury your business, otherwise one of the dogs will eat it...immediately. True Story.

3) You have to wash your clothes in the river over a stone. Conclusion: I will burn my clothes instead of washing them and simply buy new ones.

Regardless, life is relaxed here and all of this is exactly what I was expecting. The work is 7 hours a day, tough and demanding and you fall asleep like a baby at night and then wake up to do it all over again. We planted corn right before I left and also have carrots, peas, peppers, tomatoes, pumpkins and other things. Life here is like being a 15th century English Serf. I've been using iron age tools since machines are out of the question and they don't really have the money to buy new stuff. Meals are purely vegetarian which takes some getting used to and you have alot of time to think and play guitar which is exactly what I wanted. Christmas is coming up and I'm going to Buenos Aires to meet up with friends for a break than going back. I'm eating a hamburger when I get to a major city.

Que Significa "Paro"?

A "paro" is a stoppage of some type usually referring to a stoppage of work or as English speakers might know it, a strike. Who cares right? I do, because when I tried to get back into Chile today, this is exactly what I found. The Chilean border patrol was on strike because of some questions with salary and its way of getting to the throat of the Chilean government was by letting three people across the border EVERY HALF hour. So much for National solidarity after this whole miner nonsense.

Anyway, I was #72 in line. I'm no Math teacher but 3 every half hour, is 6 an hour which means I spent 12 hours in line. Excruciating, and probably the first real South American experience I've had. At one point, people stormed over the border into Chile when no was looking....and they were promptly returned to the Chilean border and tortured Pinochet style. Alright, that last part was completely made up but I can only guess this is what happened based on what I've heard about the Carabineros. After getting into Arica, Chile and almost being robbed by two flaite kids and eating a disgusting Churrasco (ah, Chilean food, why did we ever leave eachother?), I got on a 24 hour bus to JuJuy Argentina. Met some nice Israelis from Tel Aviv and a big creepy Peruvian named Enrique. Enrique really wanted to know alot about me because he kept tapping me on the shoulder to ask what my tattoos meant while I was listening to music. I mean I'm not knocking Peruvian hospitality but after he asked me for my email and phone number after knowing eachother for 20 minutes, I'm not entirely sure he doesn't have plans to kill and eat me. Note to self: Do not visit Lima, Peru.

After checking into the hostel in JuJuy, I realized why it had only 4 reviews on hostelworld. The front door had a bullet hole, my room was a basically a large closet with a pile of mattresses and the one shower was right next to the kitchen which is bizarre. I think I saw someone cleaning tomatoes with the runoff from my shower. The night in the hostel was pretty restless. Apart from being bitten by fleas, the huge french guy in my room had night terrors and was screaming in French. It sounds funny....but at the time it was actually terrifying. Tomorrow I go to the farm.

The Lost City of the Incas, Guinea Pig...and cross dressing

 Machu Pichu. Right. We did it. Everything you would have expected. Postcard perfect views, Mysterious, fog laden, tons of tourists. We hired a guide at the gate to take us around which was a pretty decent idea considering that Machu is enormous and confusing. We took a tour around the grounds and then climbed to the top of Waina Pichu which is the mount overlooking the city. One of the hardest and most dangerous things I've done on this trip, besides riding Chilean micros. There is literally a path cut into the side of this mountain with not much in the way of railings. One wrong step and you're dead, like smashed into a bloody-mist-on-the-bottom-of-a-mountain-dead . Going back down it in the middle of a rainstorm was probably a bad idea but since we weren't into waiting out said rainstorm on the top of Waina Pichu, it was a must. You had to make your way past tourist after tourist who were going up in the same direction you had just come on the same path made for one person.

We got back to Aguas Calientes which is a tourist town at the base made solely for tourists going to Machu Pichu and slept for about 3 hours then left at 5ish to go back to Cusco. I really like Cusco, I really like Peru in general actually. It's cheap and there are alot of great things to see. Cusco is a colonial city but has managed to retain its Quechuan heritage enough so that's it's a really beautiful amalgamation of New World and Old World. Logan, Mike, Yaima, Lucy and I stayed at a pretty great hostel that was hosting a cross dressing party when we got back that night. Now...I had every intention of going and drinking dressed like a man....until the girls hosting it convinced Mike and I to dress like women since "everyone else was doing it." Both of us are about 6'5" and were pretty hopeful that there would be no womens' clothing at this hostel to fit us.  That didn't pan out. Within minutes I was somehow wearing a yellow summer dress that I was busting out of like a pig in a corset and madeup in mascara and lipstick. We walked into the party and other people were indeed dressed as the opposite sex, the only problem is that it was only men. I think one girl had a drawn on moustache but that was it. Perfect. I'm probably the ugliest tranny that ever walked the planet but that didn't keep me from winning the catwalk contest. There were 5 of us and I think my sheer size kept me as a front runner. When we had a walk off (the applause meter was a stalemate and we had a tie) I killed it due to Single Ladies coming on. My reward was a disgustingly electric blue drink fed to me thru a beer bong tube. People my age shouldn't be doing things like this anymore. It's just plain humiliating

Before leaving Peru, Guinea Pig was a must and we ate some overlooking the Plaza in Cusco. Guinea Pig (Cuy) pretty much tastes exactly how a sweaty Russian guy would smell after working in an ore mine for an entire week and not showering. Just take a minute to imagine that. I had to hurry out of the restaurant to catch my bus to Argentina straight after that and threw up a little in my mouth. It's not good, but I guess you work with what you have if the only other domestic animal you have is Llama and Alpaca. Hopefully the beef in Argentina is good.

Alot of ground to cover

Program ended last week. It's weird to think that I now, offically, have absolutely no business being in South America. I said goodbye, probably for the last time, to alot of cool cats from EOD. Los extraño mucho. Then I went to Cajon de Maipo (east of Santiago and partially in the Andes) with Mom, Cheri, Chelsea ans well as my mom's friend and her daughter.  Maipo is pretty amazing. We stayed in this swanky house that was built right on the Maipo river and it was beautiful. Went to a stud farm, winery, white water rafting, horseback riding. It was all pretty killer. I learned that, apparently, a stud farm isn't a place to pick up men. They raise horses. I wasn't paying attention to our guide though because the horses were trying to bite me.

Got dropped off in Santiago when the week was over and met up with my friend Zach to make the trip to San Pedro de Atacama. San Pedro is essentially a desert oasis town that is, literally, in the middle of the Atacama desert in Northern Chile. It was first inhabited by a group of Chilean hippies with dreadlocks but because of its proximity to alot of gnarly geological features, has become a pretty popular spot for Backpackers from all countries with dreadlocks. There are salt flats there (pictured) that are the main habitat for 3 species of flamingos endemic to the Atacama desert. It's pretty amazing seeing literally flocks of flamingos in the middle of nowhere. I asked our guide if Chilean flamingos are endangered and, if not, are they delicious? He just stared at me.

We also went to some cool salt gorges and then swam in some of the saltiest water on earth. Due to the salinity, you jump in to this swimming hole and float like a buoy...it's bizarre. It's impossible to drown which was great to hear. I kept trying to bet a Swiss guy I met to drink the water, he finally asked me "Why don't you do it?" I just stared at him.

Zach and I separated from the group two days ago and made the trip to Arequipa, Peru.
The trip here was....treacherous. Here are the bulletpoints:

1) Being crushed by an entire Peruvian family that was using one seat for all of them and had it moved all the way back...into my knees.

2) Watching Cop Out, Punisher and Ghost Rider back to back on the 8 hour bus ride with Spanish dubs. It was the best time of my life. If you haven't seen Cop Out yet, SEE IT. It stars Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan as bungling cops in New York. I smell an Oscar here folks. I'm willing to put 20 Peruvian soles on that.

3) Driving thru the mountains to Arequipa on this thin, winding desert road, looking down at the canyon 100 meters below us and then coming around the curve to see a gasoline tanker crushed and flipped on its side. It was a recent accident I know for sure. I didn't see any bodies but I'm sure the coyotes took care of that before we got there. I looked around in horror at the other passengers around me to gauge their reactions. Most of them were too busy watching Punisher to notice. The Peruvian kid next to me was picking his nose. I peed my pants a little. I have to make this trip again when I go back down to Argentina meaning that the chances of dying on it were just doubled. Done.

I'll be leaving for Machu Pichu with friends in two days and then Argentina where email communication will be almost nonexistent. To the three people reading this: sorry. Chau