Pirates of the Caribbean

There are two options to get into Tayrona National Park from Taganga. You can take a $7 bus from Taganga to the other side of the park (hour trip) and then pay about $16 for entrance….OR you can take a speed boat directly to the closest and best beach which is on Taganga’s side for $20 and avoid the entrance fee by being dropped off directly at the beach. We opted for the speed boat…because we’re cheap and lazy. Being dropped off on the Cabo San Juan beach is like something from a novel. Tayrona contains breathtaking jungle but also some of the best beaches I’ve ever seen. Completely unspoiled and devoid of any commercial development since it’s a protected area. It was kind of like being on the set of Lost….minus Hurley eating everything in sight.

Seconds after being dropped off we were hit with our first dash of reality. In the middle of the beach stand two Colombian police officers checking peoples’ bags. They immediately found the two bottles of Rum that we had brought to the island since we heard there was nowhere to buy alcohol. This was not true since there is a small kiosk that sells beer and wine in the park. Regardless, the officer told us that he was going to take us to Santa Marta to jail and that we were kicked out of the park for bringing prohibited items in. Eventually it came out that we could escape this fate if we paid the “fee” in cash with him. I’ve never really bribed anybody before but for the hell of it I asked him how much the “fee” was and he whispered to me $200,000 COP ($120). Fiona didn’t really have a choice since he saw her purse and knew she had the cash. We agreed and Fiona starting dumping money into her hat until he was satisfied. He smiled, let us keep one of the bottles of Rum and sternly told us that if we told anyone what he had just done that he’d take us to jail. I’m not angry at the fact that we had to bribe somebody, it’s how a lot of things operate out here. I’m angry that the people who are supposed to be protecting everybody are actually more dangerous than the people they're protecting us from.  The only times I've felt nervous in Colombia are when there are cops around.

As it turns out, this wouldn’t be the first time that I’d be asked to bribe somebody. I went back to Tayrona with Anahita later a second time and we started an amazing fire on the beach. 5 minutes later two cops came, kicked it out and told us to come with them. Once at their police beach lodge, they told us that fires were illegal because they distract the sea turtles from nesting. I now personally believe that no sea turtles would ever come to the Colombia Coast for fear of being charged an entrance fee and tourist charge for every egg they laid on the beach but apparently that’s not true. Anyway, the guy told us that we could never come back to the park again or any park in all of Colombia and that we were kicked out of the park and being taken to jail, blah blah blah. He finally got to the bribing part and amazingly he asked for the same amount that the other dudes did. It’s like they have some kind of weekly extortion and graft meeting
, drink beers and sit around talking about how much the going bribery charge should be for tourists. However, when they asked for the money this time we literally had nothing to give since we were leaving the next day and had just enough to get back. He then frantically searched everything in my bag looking for something of value in disbelief. He found Paraguyan pesos, Peruvian Soles and once finding out they were more worthless than Chucky Cheese money settled on the $10 he found in my other wallet. Disappointed, he told us that we could go, that we should enjoy the park and to not make fires. Anahita gave him and his silent companion a cigarette and we were gone. It was unbelievable.

Regardless, Tayrona was still amazing. We were with some friends that we met before and we hung out with them for the night. We slept in hammocks with mosquito nets under a giant shelter on the beach. Between my two trips there, I probably spent about 4 nights. We walked back along the different beaches to the other end to take the bus back. Again, just amazing. The photos can’t do it full justice but it’s the most perfect place I’ve been to yet. The coast of Colombia has changed my mind about the country in general. Medellin was a pretty place but I’ve already grown bored of big cities and am going to try to avoid them as much as possible from here on out. I'm still pretty livid about the bribing thing but I guess I have to live with the fact that most humans are idiots. Anyway, check out the pictures….

The Coast

We arrived in Cartagena to a shock of blazing heat. It’s literally worse than Chicago in the middle of August, and that’s saying something. We checked into Hostel Viajero and explored a bit. Cartagena was once a strategic port city for the Spanish on the Caribbean coast. All the gold “procured” from the Incas in Peru and Bolivia was moved upwards overland thru South America and into Cartagena. When it got to Cartagena, it was moved onto ships and carted off to Spain. Because of this, it was a major spot for people like Francis Drake and other government sponsored pirates from competing nations to sack. After getting screwed one too many times, the Spanish surrounded the city with a giant wall and had enormous cannons outfitted every 50 meters or so. It became pretty impenetrable and is impressive to look at even now. The city has preserved the walls and cannons so it’s cool to walk around and imagine what Cartagena must’ve looked like 250 years ago. However, we wanted to get to Tayrona National Park ASAP which was further east along the coast so left after one day. I’ll be coming back anyway on my way back towards Panama so can explore then.

We had a shuttle pick us up at the hostel in Cartagena and take us to Taganga which is kind of a port of entry for Tayrona Park. Once arriving in Santa Marta (the main city that Taganga is outside of) the shuttle driver all of a sudden made us get out and get our bags. When protesting that we were supposed to be going all the way to Taganga, he said that he couldn’t find any gas so that he couldn’t go that far. He hailed us a cab, hustled us inside it and had a guy take us the rest of the way to Taganga. Taganga was described as a small fishing village with pristine beaches… this wasn’t exactly the case. We ended up staying in Casa de Felipe which was one of the coolest hostels I’ve been in yet in S.A. However, Taganga…has kind of changed apparently. It’s dirty, full of gringos and the beach is an ecologist’s nightmare…super expensive too. We’ll be setting up shop here for a few days but then going to Tayrona later to experience what we really came here for. More to follow.

Bitty, Betty, and Batty do the Land of Fincas to the Land of Escobar

Bogota: Bogota started becoming a little too drizzly, seemingly dangerous and boring in the hostel so we decided to leave. I honestly think that, like Quito, I may have been there at the wrong time but there was just not alot making me want to stay in Bogota. One, the city has a huge problem with urban sprawl. Everything is incredibly hard to get to and the places that everyone was telling us to go to were 40 minutes by cab ride and $30. Two, we heard a story about a group of gringos that were having a rousing conversation with a Colombian that they had befriended when, amidst a lull in the conversation, said Colombian takes a knife out, calmly places it on the table in front of them and says "Ok, guys, now we go to the ATM." I'm sure not all Colombians are like this but....one is enough.

Salento: FiFi and Kitty had heard about some farm that people could stay at in a town further north called Salento. 6 hours north of Bogota we got to Armenia where we had to take a cab to Salento (its too tiny to have a bus station which is great.) The "farm" ended up being a really nice ranch style house outside of town which had pigs, cows and horses. We made three attempts on 3 separate mornings to get up at 4am to milk the cows...again, I'm terrible at farming but so are Katherine and Fiona apparently so it's alright. Collectively, we're the three laziest people on the face of the planet. Salento is home to the tallest Palm Trees in the World too I guess. We never saw them because you had to get up early to get a cab up there and no one took responsibility for the alarm...but I hear they're lovely. I'm sure you can find a picture of some in the internet. However, we did have the energy to do horseback riding and go to some surrounding Coffee Fincas (farms). Salento is the region where a huge majority of Colombia's Coffee exports come from but here's some interesting facts. Coffee within Colombia is not that great. They export 90% of it out of country so keep literally none for themselves. Also, contrary to popular belief, Colombia only supplies some 12% of all coffee in the World. I attribute this to all those creepy commercials from the early 90's where Juan Valdez was hiding in someone's closet trying to give them coffee when they woke up. I don't think most people are keen to a Colombian and his horse breaking into their houses in the wee mornings of dawn, even if it is to serve them delicious roasted coffee. This most likely served to weaken Colombia's share in the market.

Medellin: A pretty cool city. It's called Ciudad de la Primavera Eterna because the weather is temperate year round.
This was Escobar's home turf and where alot of gnarly stuff went down. He poured alot of money into the place and because of this it's one of the few cities in South America besides Santiago and Buenos Aires that has an extensive Metro train system that can take you most places. Went to the Museum of Modern Art which is pretty great. Fernando Botero is a Colombian and so alot of his "fatty" sculptures are outside of the museum as well as in it. I like his paintings too...looking at an obese Jesus Christ on the cross is just too sacrilegious to pass up. Everybody should see it. Going out in Medellin is fun too. I was duped into going to a gay club again. I don't know how these things happen. Not like there's anything wrong with gay clubs, most of the time they're fun but this place was in the middle of a creepy warehouse district outside of Medellin, and had a bunch of uninterested Men dancing around. Me and the Irish dude I was with hightailed it out of there as soon as we could.

We've only spent 4 nights here but I think it's time to go. Next stop: La Costa.